FUNNYACCENT

RENEW HOPE AND DREAM

Between Dec 31, 03 until January 2, 04 I've been working 32 hours with few hours stop in between. I must had been out of fucking mind to agree to work for Amy on new year eve when I was fully aware I was about to start a new job on the night of Jan. 1, 04. It was my last shift at the shelter. I started with them during my first internship. I completed 150 hours requirement and the next semester I added on another 150 hours for my second internship.

Now, I'm woking with different population. Looking back at the three years I was with them, I can say, I've grown and learned so much from working with women and children from domestic violent. There were times I felt helpless when I couldn't reach them no matter how hard I tried.

The advocates, manager and director are the most dedicated and supportive group of people that I'd ever work with. Ellie, a wonderful and witty shelter manager repeatedly adviced me not to feel bad if I couldn't reach them.
"You cannot help them until they're ready to help themselves."
After a while I started to see the truth in her words. We can support, guide and help the persons that need help, but if they are not ready to be helped, to change their paths of lives, there is not much we can do.

It's still early to say anything about my new job. But, everybody is friendly and welcome my presence. Even the guests are happy that finally they get a full time night shift advocate.
Between lacking of sleep and meeting new people I'll make sure my heart desires are not neglected.

Is It Smoke In My Eyes?
We had late lunch at Penang Restaurant. I odered a big ass bowl of asam laksa which was dellllicous and B had his fav Veggie Yam Pot. except for laksa had been boiled too long, the rest was perfect.We had 90 minutes to kill before 5:25 show at Lowe Theatre. B wanted to see LOTR and I wanted to see The Last Samurai. After a short conference we agreed to see TLS. I'm not Tom Cruise's fan, but when the first time I saw TLS's trailer on tv, I knew I had to see it. I've always fascinated by Samurai.
Ever since I was a kid, I tried not to miss watching the Samurai series on the black and white tv. Their disciplines, principles and loyalties remind me of the story of Hang Tuah.
I like the near final scene when the king asked Tome Cruise about the last samurai, Katsumoto (Ken Watanabe)
"Tell me how he died."
"I'll tell you how he lived."
And to watch Katsumoto dies in Tom Cruies's arm, that brought tears to my eyes. B wiped his eyes too. I teased him about it while we were on the escalator. "The cello stirred my emotions, babe."

AN APOLOGY IS IN ORDER

When someone expect and apology from you after a row you had with that person, and you feel you don’t owe that person an apology, what will you do? If you had your way, you wouldn’t do it, but the problem is, the person who thinks you owe him/her an apology is more powerful than you are. Will you still refuse to apology? Or you apology, but like hell you mean it?

And the person who expect an apology, why would you want an apology that doesn’t come from the heart? Do you still expect an apology because you think it is the right thing to do, or you want to save your face?

SAME PERSON NEW YEAR

Am I still the same person as I was yesterday? What have I learned since the countdown lastnight. Probably not much, but everyday is a new day, and every single day has something new to offer to me. I will double my effort to take time and appreciate what I have. I will be putting more energy to pause and take a deep breath. Yes, that is one of many steps I want to make this year. I want to make an effort to stop and see, hear, feel, touch, smell and feel what the nat;ure has to offer. There is much to see and to learn, if I take time to learn.

I started a new year with a long day at work. Tremont Street was quiet and abandoned at 7:00 a.m. Except for a few cars passed by, the stillness was visible. The moon behind the clouds follow my steps all the way to subway station.
The MBTA man in the token booth told me they were out of tokens. He let me in through the gate. After 10 minutes the inbound train zoomed in.
Most of the cars were empty. A heavy made up woman boarded the train at State Street. She sat six seats away from me, but I couldn't help getting suffocated by her heavy perfume. Did she take a dive into a perfume lake this morning?

The day went fast, I didn't realize I'd been on my feet for eight hours without a cup of coffee or a piece of toast. When I clocked out at 4:15 p.m, my stomach roared only me could hear it. It was a sign of protest.

A veggie omellet with melted cheese on top is an ideal simple meal. I sauteed some red onions, four button mushrooms and five chopped snowpeas. I beat three white eggs and poured onto the sautedd veggies/onions. I sprinkled a handful of grated mozarella cheese and immediately transferred the pan into the broiler. The omellet turned out gorgeous. Golden, soft and fluffy.
Five minutes later I was having my meal of the day with a glass of cranberry juice with a slice of squeezed lemon juice.

EXTERMINATOR AND SURAH 33 BISMILLAH

The exterminator man was here. Didn't take long. After all the hard work I've been doing since early this morning. I woke up at six a.m and set to work. I removed all the clothes from bedroom closet, jackets from the front closet, cleaning agents from under kitchen sink cabinets, moved my sewing table away from the living room radiator,and moved the fabric cases away from the wall and all the guy did was shot a gel like liquid into the corner of the sink cabinet, front closet and bedroom closet. No smokes and fumes like they did in the previous years. What a bummer, all those clothes and jackets are mounting on my bed.

He took less than five minutes to get it all done. But we talked for a few minutes when he saw a gemelan picture postcard on my refrigerator.
"Are you Indonesian?"
"No, I'm Malaysian."
"Are you?"
"My mother was from Java and my dad was from HongKong."
"Masih boleh bicara Indonesia?"
"Tentu masih boleh." He grinned from ear to ear.
"Sudah berapa lama di sini?"
"All my life. Saya di lahirkan di sini."
"Biasa pulang ke Indonesia?"
"Banyak kali."
"Saya harus beredar, but it's nice meeting you."

"Saya pun begitu. Terima kasih."
Before he left, he turned toward the 18'x11" of 33 surah Bismillah I put in the frame hanging on the wall, facing the front door.
"I can write that," he says.
"You can? Boleh baca juga?"
"Boleh, tetapi mneulis lebih baik dari membaca," he paused, " kamu boleh?"
"Ya, kedua-duanya sekali."
"Bagus, bagus, take care."

I know I have more chores later, but I sure feel good and wait until I tell B later.

Dreams of Trespass:Tales of a Harem Girlhood by Fatima Mernissi

LETS PRAY TOGETHER

I wonder if every blogger dashes to her/his computer to write about Sadam's captured. I was at work this morning when one of the women broke the news. "It seems Bush will be re-elected." said Joan with her mouth full chewing her onion bagel.
"God forbid," said May. "It's nothing to do with that s.o.b," May snorted.

Everybody has an opinion to offer about his captured, but I think the Iraqis people who had been oppressed for more than two decades and the family of the US soldiers who are stationed in Iraq are among the happiest people on earth now.

Lets us pray to our Creator and send out our love to the universe, that the Iraqi children will be able to go out and play and laugh. Let us pray for all of us.

FIVE RANDOM WORKS

I'm not fond of winter. I'd rather be in 90 degree in summer than wading in two inches snow. But sometimes winter can bring some comfort in my life. During winter I take my bath almost everyday. I like the idea soaking my body in my bathtub for thirty minutes or so. I like the idea of taking my time soaking myself in a sandalwood scented bathfoam. I've always wanted to have a bathtub. Malays homes do not have bathtubs (I'm not sure about current situation). When I read a book describing a character taking a bath, I imagined myself doing the same thing.

When I moved into my apartment, I was thrilled to see a large bathtub that can fit my entire body. I sit and stretch my legs and my toes touch the end of the tub. The tub was made for me. When I discovered the soothing feeling I get from taking a bath, I ventured a little farther, I tried scented bath oil instead of bathfoam. I found out using bathoil is more suited to my body. Right after I dry up my body, I still can feel the smoothness of the oil sinking to my skin. I would pour a body lotion generously on my body to keep it moisture.

The last time I wore a flannel pajamas was when I was ten years old. My mother sew each of us a new pair of pajamas before Hari Raya. On Hari Raya eve, after the evening bath, we would put on our new pajamas and went outside to play fire crackers and ?

That was long time ago. Now, I wear my flannel night shirt only I bought at Filene's Basement six years ago. It's a combination of green and white stripe. Last witner I didn't wear it at all. I guess I'm outgrown of it. I'd rather wear Fruits of Loom white shirt. I have a half dozen of them.

Watching the snow from my window is one of my favorite past time. I pull the chair close to my living room window, pulled out the curtain and just watch the flaky snow flying down from the sky. The oak trees outside my window add the beauty of the snowing day. The snow fall on the branches and trunks and some of them pass the trees and land on the ground.

I always gone crazy buying new socks during winter. Last winter I bought two pairs of long socks. These socks were different from all the socks I've bought before. They have five separate toes. When I put it on, I could see my socked toes separately. The beauty of this socks is they keep my toes warm. And the color is like rainbow only was brighter.

Riding Sub On Sunday Night

THE WEAKEST LINK- THE GAME WE PLAY

It's amazing how some of us become an aggressor after a while being at the other end. Things are not working well at my work place. Three women joint forces and turn to the weakest link. The fifth woman remain neutral.

I WONDER AS I WAIT

I never had a shower this fast. 10 minutes flat. My first thougt was to have a shower in the bath room in the main office, but I didn't want to leave the small office unattended.

When I came out of the bathroom, Jesus was lying on the couch watching cartoon on tv. Since they've been here I never seen him or his siblings have the books in their hands. All they do is watching tv. I wonder when they do their homeworks?

Last week, when the volunteers were here, Jesus was whining as usual. He said he did his homework in his room, and refused to show his finished work to a volunteer.
Carmen, the kid's mother didn't help much either. She falls asleep anywhere she lands her ass.
Jesus is 10 years old, 5' 3" tall, weight 180 lb, and he whines. His sister is way too big for an eleven year old girl too, and she sucks her thumb. Both of them are obese.

These kids are among thousands of inner city children that will fall into the cracks of failing education system. They are among thousands of the children of this city have become the victim of greedy politicians who have no idea what they are doing because they are from privilege world.

They send their children to an expensive private schools. They live in another world, the world they create for themselves and their honcos.

Hip Hip Bonsai

Since I've been working 12 hours shift on and off for the past few weeks, I almost killed all my potted plants. This morning, as I was picking up my sweater under the heater, I felt the cold air rushed in through the crack of my bedroom window. I pulled the curtain to lock the window. If the wall is not made of bricks I would've banged my head against it when I saw what I left on the window sill.

Five stalks of my bamboo plants sat on the window sill, looking sad and whitered. When the temperature dropped into fourties last week, I removed all my plants from the kitchen and living room window sills.
I forgot about the plant I left on the bedroom window sill.
I could barely see the water, the hairy-like-roots curled up and shriveled. I tossed the sweater into the laundry basket which ended up on the knob of closet door. I took the plant in the glass vase to the kitchen.
I poured in some water from Brita pitcher, and gently shook the vase to loose the roots that stuck to the bottom of the vase.

Carefully I removed all the plants and cleaned the vase. I poured one third of the filtered water into the vase and put back the plant. This time I put it next to its twins on the floor next to the third bookshelf.
I'm glad I didn't bang my head against the wall. The plant was withered but not dead. Imagined if I did bang my head, I'd probably ended up with a headache if not a brain damage.

I use up the top of all my bookshelves, a refrigerator, a tiny space of my sewing table, a top of my old PCU, a top entertainment center and on the floor between EC and my current PCU. I make sure both of the terracota pots do not touch the PCU, but I think my plants do not like the idea of getting vibration from PCU.

Too bad I have no more room for a dwarf banana plant I saw at Home Depot last summer. I will get that plant as soon as we move to our house which will be on the ground.

Besides Money plants and bamboo, I have HipHip too. I bought HipHip two years ago at Home Depot. She is a beauty. Well, I'm not sure its gender, I suppose it's female because she has a female hips.
HipHip is my Bonsai plant from Hawaiian Umbrella family. It is an affordable Bonsai, not the three or four digits price kind of Bonsai. HipHip is doing great. She is pretty much growing by herself without getting much help from me.

I water her every week, and snip the brown leaves. I named her HipHip because the trunks shape like woman's hip, delicous curve at the right place. Hipliscous, I must say.

Last spring I went to see a Flower Show with Marylee. We skipped all the flowers and exotic plants booths. Our ultimate goal was to get to the Bonsai section. Both of us are Bonsai fans, but we are dirt poor to afford one. We hope to get one each with a reasonable price, between $20 to $30, if we ever got one.

We oohhhed... and aahhhhed admiring the beauty of the plants. Marylee circled the Japanese White Pine like a wolf cirling her victim. The gnarled trunk stood twelve inches tall. The branch grew heavily on one side, leaving the other side bare. We looked at the tag, it said the tree aged 75 years and price was $750.00. "Shit", muttered Marilee.

Marilee elbowed and pointed at the plant near the wall, "That's yours." It was Trident Maple. A spectacular sight I must say. Root-over Rock style, stood 6 inches. The roots looked like five legs spread over layers of rocks. On one inches trunk grew hundreds of tiny branches like the coral you see at the bottom of the ocean.

My heart almost stopped pumping the blood when I saw the price. $15.00!!! There must be a mistake here. I beckoned Marilee to check it out.
"Are you out of your fucking mind," Marylee chewed the words between her teeth,"Did you see the price?"

I almost dropped the damn Bonsai. I could my eyes deceived me? It was $1500.00. How could I eliminated the two zeros and moved the decimal point?