FUNNYACCENT

If You Love Me-Part One

After a few years working (on and off) with domestic violence victims, one same question I've been asked over and over, "Why don't they leave their abusers?" Yes, why don't they pack their clothes, take their children with them, quit the job (if they are allowed to work) and leave the town?

It is easy for us who never experience any acts of violence from a lover, or husband, or boyfriend, or partner, or from our parents  to judge them.

Here is a definition of Domestic Violence taken from National Coalition Against Domestic Violence and Jane Doe Inc.

"Domestic Violence, also known as battering, is a pattern of behavior used to establish power and control over a partner, friend or any other person through fear and intimidation, often including the threat our use of violence.  While the violence may cause injury, it doesn't have to be physical. Domestic Violence also takes the from of emotional, verbal sexual and economic abuse.

Domestic Violence affects people of all ethnic, racial, and economic backgrounds. It affects women, men and transgendered people. It takes place in same sex relationships as well as heterosexual relationship.

Battering happens when one person believes that they are entitled to control another. Assault, battering, and domestic violence are crimes."

However, the recognition of DV remains problematic because the violence committed daily in person's private life. It is often denied by victims themselves.

 DV is like any other acts, a woman doesn't get up one morning and get abused, or a person doesn't wake up from a sleep and becomes an abuser. It takes time. It always does. Like alcohol and drug addiction, smoking, eating, shopping and a lot more destructive behaviors. Domestic Violence is heinous, deadly and global problem.

In Puan Marina Mahathir's blog entry, Teaching Our Girl to Love Men Who Are Bad for Them, published on September 23rd. 2010. she had an article written by Yuen Meikeng, called Woman's Fatal Attraction. It's interesting to read the readers comments about the case a mother who stated she still loves her lover even after he was convicted of killing her three year old daughter. She said her lover had no intention of killing her little girl. (Meikeng, Y).

It is understandable the rage, furious, anger and upset when we read news like this. We scratch our head and wonder, what in the world made her did what she did?

 It is easy to sit on the sidelines to make comments and pass judgements over individuals we really don't know anything about except from the media.

We don't live their lives. We don't feel what they feel and most of all we don't know any of them personally. What we know is just a scratch on the surface.

 So, what do we do then? Well, for a start, perhaps we will learn not to condemn or pass some judgmental remarks to the victims. Ask ourselves, what do I gain by passing judgment to people I don't know anything about? Will my judgemental remarks make me a better person? Lets do this for a start.

 

Getting Personal

Being a non-competitive person I never thought I'd be enjoying running in a race. I always thought running in a race would take a joy of running. Well, I was WRONG. Last year when my friend Jane asked me if I were interested to run in Tuft Health Plan 10K for Women, I was surprised at myself when I said, "Why not?"

I had a blast before, during and after the race, especially during the race. To have strangers standing on the sidewalks encouraged and motivated you to run was an amazing experience. They called out the runners number and said things like:

"You go girl (your number)."

"You can do it, one more mile to go."

And the best one: "Break your personal record this time."

And they cheered you like crazy when you're approaching the finish line.

I was surprised to hear my number shouted a few times when I approached the finish line even I didn't know anybody waiting for me at the finish line.

 This year Jane was back in California visiting her family. After the race I ran into a coworker who ran with her mother. Both of us didn't know we ran in the same race until she saw me sitting on the grass with a bagel in my hand.

 I was on Charles Street, about 150 meters from the Finish Line.

 
I'm grateful I finished 2 minutes faster than last year. I wanted to run under 60 minutes but at mile 4 I had a cramp on calf that forced me to stop for a few minutes. While lying on the grass getting my calf massage, my thought was, "There goes my personal time."

But I'm glad I finished the race and improved my pace to 10.80 mins/mile.

 
 
Both Jessica and her mother crossed the finished line at 57 minutes.