It takes a lot of effort, I mean a huge effort to make me angry. The past three years since I joined this facility I have no idea how many times I have clients screamed, yelled or acting impossibly rude because they didn't get what they wanted, or their medications supply was stopped because the health insurance benefit was switched, or thier attempts to reestablish a relationship with thier parents/children were rejected because nobody believed them anymore, or so many other reasons.
And when they raised their voices, they expected the same thing in return. And this was an interesting part: They didn't know what to do when they didn't get what they were expected. They wre ready to spit out their frustrations.
We stood facing each other, sometimes I took a couple of steps back, out of the person's reach. I would be lying if I said I wasn't afraid at the beginning.
It took a few minutes for the person to figure it out. I didn't respond to him the way he was expecting me to.
I kept my mouth shut, watching closely the person trying to make sense of what he had just said. A lot of times it was nothing to do with me.
He walked away and retraced his steps..
"Aren't you going to say something?"
"Like what?"
"I've just yelled at you like three times. You should yelled back at me."
"Do you think if I yelled back at you, your doctor will give you more dose?"
"Uh? I'm sorry I didn't mean to yell at you."
"Of course you did. You were frustrated, you didn't know what to do. You vented out at me. But I would like you to remember one thing."
"What?"
" I'm not a pin cushion."
"A pin cushion?Ohhhh...... ? I was a jerk, was I?. But seriously, don't you get mad when I was rude to you a few minutes ago? I was screaming at you like a manicac."
"No."
"No? I'm serious you know. Don't you want to yell back at me? You are a staff. You can yell back at me, you know."
"What would you do if somebody else screamed and being rude to you the way you were to me?"
"Are you kidding me? I'll screamed back at them. I don't take other people's crap."
"But you threw your crap at me. "
"Boy, this is embarassing."
"What embarassing you?"
"My behaviour. I'm sorry. Will you forgive me?"
"Okay. Can we move on?"
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On the other hand, whiners annoy the shit out of me. It doesn't take long to have an annoying expression all over my face.
Once a senior staff told me I have a lot to learn about masking my annoyance. I never saw you got upset or angry, not even once she told me. But when I let my feeling take over, she said she could tell from the tone of my voice and from my expression. The worst part she said, I didn't even make an effort to hide it.
She was right. I tried to hide it under my weak-ass smile. I made an effort. A few times.
I felt I betrayed myself. It was so chilling. My face muscles crammed. Froze. I didn't like what I felt.
One day without making an effort to say, No, I am not to a client:
Client: Am I annoying you with my whining?
Me : So you know you're a whiner?
Client: God!!!! Are you telling me I am a whiner?
Me : I think you know that all along.
I have full respect for people with grand skills and ability to mask their feelings with miles and miles of smiles. I know I have a lot to learn.
But, let me be myself on this one.
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