I run four group meetings every week besides eight sessions on one-on-one. At the beginning of these groups I like to start with a warm up riddles/games and questions. I ask the men a simple question that they are comfortable to share the answer with the group. Sometimes I pass each of them a piece of paper with questions:
- Write a list of ten words that describe a positive side of you. When they complete the first question, I go to #2.
- Rank the words. Which one do you like best and least.
- Now cross them out one at a time until you are left with one most important characteristic.
The first time I started this game, I spotted the expressions on their faces, "What the f*** she wants us to do now?" But the next session they eagerly asked, "Are you going to give us the questions thing you did last week?" Another reason I have to consider when I ask them to write anything is 80% of the men are high school drop out, usually up to grade eight or nine ( Form 1 or 2). A small number of them didn't even made to a high school.
Not all the men are excited or interested to participate in the group meetings. A few of them attend the group because most of the on site group meetings are mandatory. I had some resistance usually from men over 50's and 60's). They sat and acted sulky like a kid who didn't get a candy. At the end of the session, I pulled them aside and told them I didn't want them to waste their time doing something they didn't see they would bring benefit to them.
Their eyes lit up. I didn't see their faces in the next meeting. But they turned up in the third meeting and continue to participate until the cycle end. I never ask them what made them changed their minds though.
I usually get a mixed reactions from the men when I ask them those questions. But I've always assured them and they know it that they do not have to answer or say anything that makes them uncomfortable . If they are reluctant to talk, I randomly name one of them to talk as little as he wants or as much he is comfortable with. Most of us like to talk about ourselves if the other party is willing to listen. Once the ice wall is crack, most of the hands are up in the air.
Last Tuesday group meeting, I asked one of the men: "When was your happiest moment without any substance involved?" He has been in and out of detox more than 10 times, has been living on the street on and off for the past 15 years. He has a hard time to recall his happiest moment. His hoarse voice cracked the sounds of the traffic outside, he took us back to 1988 when he went fishing with his buddies to Cape Ann.
He remembered jumping up and down in his friend's boat when he caught a ten pound stripped bass. "I never caught stripped bass that big, Arnie almost punched me because I couldn't stopped jumping in his boat. " He laughed and shook his head.
"It was the longest time I stayed sober, 2 years, you know. That was my happiest moment." He stopped. He looked down at his gnarled hands folded in his laps. He knew if he continued to talk he would choke over his happiest memory. Everybody was quiet, trying to recall when was their happiest moment.
I jumped in to break the silence.
"Did you and Arnie eat the fish?"
He nodded his head, then he looked up and smiled.
"Yes, we did. When we went back to Arnie's cabin. We grilled them over hot charcoal."
It was a humble experience to watch a grown up man trying to remember when was his happiest moment.
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