FUNNYACCENT

Finding Angles

Has Samurai been here ?

Franklin Street, Boston.

A piece of sky on Court Street.

A single digit temperature for the past two days. Wicked cold.

The workshop in town ended 30 minutes earlier. I fooled around with my camera trying to get some interesting shots, but I can't even hold my camera long enough to get a million dollar angles.

All I Want Is a Cup of Coffee

This morning, with half opened eyes I found out my Mr. Coffee was dead. I turned on the faucet and the water didn't rise to level 3. Then I noticed a little hole on the side of the pot near the bottom. Crap.... I needed my coffee.

After I did the laundry I got myself a cup of french vanilla coffee at Dunkin Donut and walked up to Targetin in 20 degree weather. I could get a new pot. Unfortunately Target didn't carry the model that I had which I bought three years ago.

When I got home I ripped off the box, dumped the white foams along with the manual in a trash. I cleaned  Mr. Coffee with soapy warm water, dried it and plugged in the power cord. I noticed some extra buttons on the front panel, but what was so complicated about a coffeemaker? 

As soon as the cord was plugged in, a number 12:00 started to blink. Crap!!! What was that number for? I pulled out the foams and the paper to look for the manual.

Hah........!!! The blinking digits was a clock display. I didn't know domestic coffee makers are built with clock display. Boy......I've been always the one left behind by the train. Only then I really took a good look at Mr. Coffee. Six buttons on my 4-cup-coffee maker and all I wanted was a cup of coffee.

I wonder in three or four years they might have a model that announce when the coffee is ready:

"Anasalwa, your coffee is ready, Anasalwa your coffee is ready, Anasalwa your coffee is ready"

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The Cold and The Brave

The air was damp and heavy when I stepped out this morning. It was the sign that the snow was coming. When I left the gym at noon, the flaky snow was floating in the sky and disappeared when it hit the ground. Wicked chilly afternoon.

Distorted car images on the store front  on Court Street.

Cups of Dunkin Donut coffees and desire to make a difference, these two young men and the young women (on the back ground) stood outside 20 degree Boston weather in front of army recruit center on Tremont Street to let the world know where they stand. The cop stood about 10 feet away from the group outside his cruiser, watching.

Running On Parallel Lines

The E Train passesd the bus I was riding in to work on Huntington Avenue this morning. When the bus and the train move side by side I like to watch the morning riders on the train. Some mornings I could be one of the people on the train, and I watch the bus riders.

Learn the Lingos

Three years ago when I heard the phrases like wedding bells, I thought they were talking about the wedding, or somebody had a broken window pane, or I might have said, "....aaahhhh, I love blue moon, it's a lovely song...",  or Bart Simpsons is a riot when they were actually referred to LSD.

Once, during an assessment I praised a new client for stayed sober for almost a year. She had been in and out from detox centers more than 10 times in less than two years. 

She looked down at her hands on her lap, picking on at an old cut on her left thumb. All her ten finger nails were crooked. The tips of her fingers raw and swollen. She must've had gnawed and chewed them for a long time. My body shivered by just looking at her ravaged cuticles.

She clasped her hands hard, she shifted her body forward and leaned back, but she still didn't say anything. I started to wonder if I had offended her by praising her.

"I tossed up my own brother." I barely heard the words let alone understood what she meant.

"Sorry?"

"Toss up, strawberry, raspberry......."

"Ooohhh......... " Damn.  I'm screwed. " I wish there was a chapter in Sociology text book under "Awkward Moment: Chapter 7-What To Say When Your New Client Told You She  Traded Sex for Drug With Her Brother She Never Knew.

I cleared my throat. "You don't have to tell me. You would be more comfortable when you talk to your therapist."

"It's okay. I want to tell you about this . They said you awight."

She didn't know the man was her brother. She didn't even know she had a brother. She was DSS child. She couldn't remember how many foster parents she had. Ten? fifteen? She hated them all except one. She lost touch with the only foster mother who loved her. She hoped one day they would meet again.

One night, on a greasy floor at the back of the truck , a transaction took place. On top of that she managed to snatch the man's wallet before he drove off.

She never bothered to look at the ID  before, all she interested was the cash. She threw everything else in a trash. But this time when she looked at the last name and the middle name, she felt the earth underneath her feet opened up and swallowed her whole being.

She tried to convince herself that a lot of people share the last name, but what about the middle name? It was dark at the back of the truck, but looking at the man's photo ID she knew she wasn't hallucinating.

She called her PO and told her she was ready to enter the rehab program. Three months later she entered The House.

Like most of the past and the present Residence I've been working with, they have learning disabilities that have never been diagnosed. One day she saw a stack of my books on the window sill.

"You always read something or write in your journal during your lunch break. Don't you get tired of reading?"

"No, I enjoy reading. I'm lost if I let the day pass without reading."

"Are those books yours? Can I take a look at them?" She picked  The Dream of Water a memoir by Kyoko Mori.

"I'll lend it to you if you like to read it. The story was written beautifully."

"Nahh....it's too much for me. Most of the time I can't remember what I read or I don't understand at all."

"Have you ever read out loud, loud enough you could hear your own voice?"

"Noooooo....Ana! Are you crazy? People think I'm nut reading out loud?"

I held out my hand to the book. I opened the pages randomly and read read the passage on page 89 loud enough for both of us could hear my voice.

"So your father had an affair all along?"

"I don't know, but he was seeing Michiko for a few years before my motherr's death. I know that."

Keiko picks up and puts down her iced coffee, which is completely watered down. The women next to us are getting ready to leave, gathering their pusrses and summer jackets. "I used to wonder how much you knew." Keiko says. "I wasn't sure if you were old enough back then."

"I didn't fugure everything out at the time, but soon afterward. Ken Nichan told me some things, too, yesterday."

"Men are often unfaithful." Keiko grimaces and then forces a smile. "You must undestand that for yourself. You can't expect them not to fall in love and flirt with someone else. You shouldn't think it is a cirsis every time they have an affair. Affairs aren't always serious." She shrugs. "There's not much you can do about some flaws in human nature. You shouldn't judge your father too harshly. He's nopt the first man to be unfaithful to his wife." She nods as if to say, We all understand this.

Wait a minute, I want to say. His being a man has nothing to do with it.

"That is wrong!!! That Kaiko woman excused the girl's father for being unfaithful." Her eyes blazed with excitement.

"How do you know the man is the girl's father?"

She looked at me like I'm an idiot.

"It says in the book, right? I heard it when you read it."

"You see, I only read less than a page and you already picked up the story. Some people have to read loud enough to hear their own voices  so they could understand. It is normal."

She seemed reluctant to say it, but finally she asked me. "Ana, I know you're busy, but would it be too much if you could read me a page or two every time I see you?"

"How could I say no when you put it so perfect."

We set the time. Every day after she returned from methadone clinic, I would read her two pages untill she was comfortable to read by herself.

When we got into 12 pages she said I read too slow and she liked to read it herself. She couln't wait to learn what happened to that poor woman (author's mother).

One day she came running down to my office and held out her hand. A gray Boston Public Library card nestled in her palm. She had a big smile as it was an AMEX Titanium card.

Last year she moved into her own apartment. She completed her GED. She knew she has a long way to go, but she was clean and sober. She had to take her depressant and bipolar medications regularly and continued to see her therapist.

Song

Thank you to Nanetta, through her site I discovered Illustration Friday, now I have reason to display my chicken scratches.

This Friday tittle is 'Song'. I made my love song tree while chatting with my sister KN over the phone early this morning.

Shall We Dance?

Somebody at the workshop asked me the other day what did I think about the riot over the caricatures published in Danish newspaper. I didn't know what he was up to, tried to pull me into some sort of debate or merely curious about my opinion.

I told him I love dancing but I wouldn't dance to the beat that I don't like. I cannot control over the type of music they play but I have the power to choose to listen and to dance to the music I enjoy.

Like they say, it takes one to know one.

Flashback: Back to the Back

Back in 1985, one of my favorite TV series was Spenser for Hire. Spenser was a PI lived and solved murder mysteries in Boston. Spenser's side kick was Hawk (Avery Brooks  aka as Captain Benjamin Sisko in Deep Space Nine). Spenser  and Hawk were always at odd but they watched each others back and loyal.

Every week , 11:30 pm I sat in front of TV  watching Spenser and Hawk chasing the bad guys around Boston, little that I knew 20 years later I would be living in the same city. Even though I knew Spenser for Hire was adapted from Robert B. Parker books, but I never read any of his books.

After the workshop on Thursday morning, I went to Border Books Cafe' to meet a friend. If it was not meeting a friend, I would have stayed outside. The sun was out in the clear sky. The temp was high 50's. Another gorgeous winter afternoon. My friend was at the cafe' getting us some hot chais.

"Let's go and check out Robert B. Parker." She handed my chai.

"Robert B. Parker? Who is he?"

My friend drew a sharp breath. "You said you were crazy about Hawk, and you have no idea who Robert B. Parker is?"

"Hawk, which Hawk? You meant Hawk in Spencer for Hire?" It was my turn to be surprised.

We zigzagged past the afternoon crowd browsing the latest books displayed in front lobby. We climbed two flight of stairs and headed all the way to the back of the store, the section where the book signing sessions usually took place.

All the seats were taken except one on the second row. Mr. Parker talked about his writing process which he didn't rewrite any of his writings.  We stood about ten feet from the author. When the audience formed the line to get their book signed, I took the opportunity to find a good spot to take a few pictures.

Be Kind To Yourself

One thing I try to avoid is to let go The Residents when there is no other way to help them. In other word to discharge them from the program. I'll exhaust all the sources and alternatives and when I get to the dead end, I'll call the local welfare office. At this point, The Resident will have to answer to the welfare Case Coordinator. There would be an appeal process to the board of welfare , if The Residents choose to do so.

It is not easy to let go the person I've come to know and cared for the past months. I've seen her struggled through her depression: calmed her down when she learned her twins brother died in a prison stabbed by another inmate, read the first three chapter with her three pages every other day of When I Was Puerto Rican.  She finished the book 45 days after she/we started it. It was the first book she ever finished reading. She was proud of it.

The next day when she came to my office she saw a VCD A Crouching Tiger.........on my steel cabinet.

"Ana, that is an old movie, you haven't watched it?"

"Yes, I have, many times. I lent it to Wit last week. Have you watched it?"

She hadn't watched the movie, but she wanted to know why did I keep watching it many times and what was so special about it.

I told her I like everything about the movie. It's about self-discovery, humility, self-discipline, greed, revenge and most of all I like the last part near the ending.

"Please tell me about it. Why do you like the ending? I thought it's the sad ending."

"Yes, it's sad ending, but before the girl jumped off the bridge she said four words to her lover."

"What did she say?"

"Be kind to yourself."

She was fascinated by it. She watched the movie on the weekend.

One day she called me from the hospital. I couldn't make it out what she was saying between her sobbing, my name and her son's name.

"Leanne.......remember what I told you when you're nervous, upset or angry?"

"Yes, put my left hand on my belly and slowly take a deep breath." Between her nose blowing noise and raspy voice, she managed to remember what I told her a few months ago.

"Okay, do it now." I could hear the heavy breathing, in and out from the other side.

One time, two times, three times.

Her son was in an emergency room for an acute asthma attack.

Between sessions with her therapist, daily trip to methadone clinic, NA group meetings, she slipped a few times and got up with our support and her determination. But when the father of her son snaked his way back into her life, she turned into somebody else I never knew.  She relapsed and went back to her old life. All I could do is pray for her and her son's safety, and Leeann, be kind to yourself.

After the Walk

A year ago if somebody asked me to go out in 2o mph gutsy afternoon while the snow was still falling, I would have said, "Are you crazy?".

That was what exactly I did this afternoon after the rice was cooked, after I had grilled tofu salad.

I bought four pieces organic firm tofus at Harvest Supermarket  in Central Square on Friday. I put together baby spinach, lettuce, slices red pepper, broccolis, beets, butter beans and sprinkled fried noodles for crunchy effect.

After the salad I put on my heavy jacket, wool hat, snow boots and gloves and I was out wading in almost twleves inches snow on the sidewalk. It wasn't an easy walk when the snow was falling right into my face, but somehow I found the walk was pleasant even I had to work twice as much dragging my feet in thick snow.

All these years when I was caught in the blizzard I hated it because I didn't choose to be out there, but this time I was out for my own curiousity. Between wiping the snow from my face and landing my feet on the the smooth white snow I was surprised when I began to enjoy my little adventure. I caught myself laughing when my feet stuck a few times in the snow.

The main streets were quiet except for huge snowplough trucks on both sides of the streets. Boston city officials have learned from the previous years mistake. Last year and the years before the streets weren't cleaned and ploughed a day after the blizzard. This year the snowplough trucks were on the streets as the heavy snow falling on the ground.

The walk home was much easier because the snow fell on my back instead on my face. One hour walking in almost 12 inches snow in 20 degree was nothing  compared to weeks and months in the snow filled world explored  by the brave men and women in the past and present. They must have had a steel will power and determination.

I didn't realized how hungry I was when I got home.  I prepared salmon head curry earlier, and what more could I possibly asked for when I dipped the spoon into the thick, fresh cooked curry gravy. Then I added a few drops of tokyu- (a MUST HAVE seasoning when I have curry) soy sauce.