FUNNYACCENT

Miracle and Magic

I wrote this entry on Tuesday 27th. and published it before I left for work. It went missing for a few days, I have no idea where it went, but it's back, three days later.

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Last Tuesday I had a 90 minute massage at Boston Bodyworker. The massage was extremely relaxing and Bob, the therapist was tentative. We had a brief discussion about a specific area I wanted him to work on. I told him I would like to get back to my usual 25-30 miles a week run.

Hoping for a miracle and ignoring the fact that ever day I've been blessed with miracle when I open my eyes I could feel my toes wiggle under the duvet, I could hear the wind whisper between the leaves, I could taste a bitter sweet of fresh brew Kenya coffee, the next day, five minutes after four I was already out of the door of my office. After 3 miles  running on the beach,I felt a slight pain on the same spot I had before on my right knee. I wanted to continue to run but I knew it was a foolish thing to do. I knew I was being irrational because I was looking for an instant result. And I've always told the clients either in one on one sessions or group sessions:

There is no such thing as an instant result in a recovery, but you can get Ramen Instant Noodles.

And there I was acting like an idiot expecting an instant result.

I walked the next three miles to make it 6 miles.

Before I went to bed, I spent an extra fifteen minutes working on trigger points.

I think I've developed a better sense of identifying some trigger points. Thanks to Dale.

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On Friday I stopped at four miles even the twitch didn't show up. I remember what Dale told me: Baby my legs.

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Sunday morning, May 25th., I opened my eyes with a funny feeling. Why were my feet cold and not the rest of my body? Then I noticed both of my feet were sticking out under the quilt. It was 5:20. The sun generously spilled its light and warm into my bedroom.

20 minutes later I stepped outside ready to dip into something I haven't done for a long time since I left high school.

The spikes in my short pocket made a click clack sound as I jogged to Saunders stadium. Within ten minutes I was on the red track inserting the spikes with a wrench.

After a warm up I started to run on the inner lane and gradually moved out to seventh lane. I also made an effort to focus on my two in and one out breathing (Inhale, Inhale, Exhale). On the second lap I sprinted for 50 meter and switched the speed and another dash for 50 meter before I entered into the third lap.

 By this time I could feel my heart pumping the blood faster into my head. I slowed down the speed and switched to three in and two out breathing. When I entered the fourth lap, all I could hear was my foot landed on the red turf one after another and my heart line up in sync with my steps. It helped me a lot to move forward without worrying about my knee when I stayed focus on my breathing. I switched from 3in2out to 4in3out, breathing deeply to my belly.

When I completed the eight lap (two miles) I realized how much I missed running on the track. The joy that I experienced that morning overwhelmed me. I almost break into tears as I highfived with myself. I removed the spikes, put them in a small pouch along with a wrench, and put them in my pocket. I crossed a little league baseball field, crossed the street and headed to the beach. I ran on the beach and all the way to Castle Island and back to where I started one hour later. I ran six mile without a twitch on my right knee.

I'm grateful.

Words

What do you say to a 70 year old man when he told you he has a prostate cancer? What are the comforting words do you say to him? How do you console him?

I was ready to leave when he entered my office and sat down without knocking the door or waited for me to say, "Please sit down."

He or any other residents never entered the staff office without knocking the door. And Eli, and old school kind of man never take a seat until you offered him one.

"Ohhh, I'm sorry Eli." And my mind went blank. I took a deep breath and searching for the right words in my brain.

He nodded his head and looked at his wrinkle hands. He turned his left palm faced down and started to pick the bulging veins on the back of his hand. It was the first time I saw him without wide grin exposing his bare gums.

"What else did the doctor tell you?"

The only words he remembered were: a prostate cancer, laser or open surgery. All the time he said while he sat in his seat in a doctor's office, he was trying to find a way to tell his daughter.

"Would you like me to call your daughter?"

He nodded his head but he was still picking at his veins.

I pulled out his file and flipped on consent forms section. As I dialed his daughter's phone number he said, "Ana, I don't think I can talk to her. Could you tell her for me?"

I put down the phone. "You can call her later".

"I talked to her this morning. She said to call her when I get the result."

"Are you sure you want me to tell her?"

 He nodded his head. He lifted up his face and looked at me in the eye for the first time. "Right now I wish I don't have nobody in this world. When he sighed, it seemed a huge chunk of his fear has left his body. He leaned back and waited.

 "Please tell her I will talk to her later tonight."

Eli watched me as I told his daughter as gently as I could. I wondered if he meant it about his wish. Perhaps he did. I remember in one of our weekly sessions a couple of months ago he said he had hurt and disappointed many people in his life for the past 35 years.

Eli's daughter didn't sound surprised nor did she insisted to talk him when she learned Eli was in my office. I was a little bewildered when I put down the phone. She sound so calm. Did she expect the news? I reminded myself every coin has two sides.

"Ana, I'm sorry for asking you a personal question. Do you still have your parents?"

I told him my father died fourteen years ago and my mother joined my father ten years later.

"Did you have a good relationship with them?"

"Yes. I am very fortunate.

"Do you belief in life after death?"

"Eli, why are we talking about death? Do you?"

"Do I what?"

"You'd just asked me the question."

"Life after death? I don't know."

"I think it is more important to live our lives the best we could while we live, don't you think?"

"Absolutely."

I asked him if he meant it about not having anybody in this world. He said he did.

We sat  in silence for the next fifteen minutes and listened to the sound of Pachelbel Canon by the sea from my computer. When the last song stopped, Eli stood up and said he wanted to go up to his room to rest. He said he was glad I didn't say everything will be okay.

I asked him what would be his reaction if I said everything will be okay.

"I will get mad at you." He grinned, exposing his bared gums.

The Walk

I've been neglecting my blog for more than a week, and for that I apologize to all my kind cyber friends. Last week was a roller coaster week for all of us the staff at The House. It wasn't a one day roller coaster ride but a five day ride.

And for the past a couple of weeks I didn't rely on the weather to lift up my spirit. To be honest, the  weather was suck, but they got to do their jobs, like the rest of us. When I got home from work, emotionally exhausted, I stood naked for about ten minutes in font of a full length mirror putting full force effort to convince myself that I needed to go out and run/walk instead of lying on the couch feeling sorry for my ass self.

I'm telling you, the mirror job did the trick. Part by part of my body started to wave at me and said, "Hey you........ Yes !!you!!! You got to do something here." First, my right and left hips, waved their chubby hands furiously at me. Those chubby hands look comfortably familiar. And no wonder they were friendly.The butternut munchkins I've been savoring when I didn't bring my lunch have made their home on my hips.

On Monday and Wednesday and Friday after I got home from work, I made my way to the beach. I put 10 miles run and 8 miles walk by the end of Friday. I felt a little twitch on the outer side of my right knee, but it was gone when I worked on a trigger point later in bed.

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Sunday morning, Mama Z and Papa Z picked me up at Dunkin Donut and we drove to town. Papa Z parked the car on Beacon Street and we took a cut short through Charles Street and walked all the way to Charles River. It was a lovely morning, breezy and sunny.

Geese family on Charles River.

Drives

During a group session this afternoon.

"Two weeks ago we talked about motivation and what motivate us. Anybody likes to add to their list of motivation?"

"Death." A voice from a corner.

I barely heard the voice. All the eyes on him.

"Death? Would you like to talk more about it?"

"I don't want nobody find my bloated dead body somewhere in a gutter. I don't want my dead body left for days in a morgue. I don't want that. That's why I'm here."

MacroDay - Cap

Pink, Meet Me Halfway

It was 10:10 am when I got off the subway at Harvard stop. I missed the 10:07 a.m bus to Arlington. I remembered from the schedule I looked up earlier on MBTA site on internet, the next bus would be at 10:17 . I went up to the schedule on the wall to make sure I got the time right. To my horror, the schedule said the next bus would be at 11:30 am and followed by every 10 minutes. Somebody in a Bus Schedule department at MBTA office was slacking here. The schedule on their site on internet didn't show the one hour and 23 minutes gap.

I've been compromising with myself a lot lately in term of my future physical health. Since last week, I've met myself halfway. I run 3 miles and walk 2 miles or the other way around. I like it a lot. It works for me. My mind says, "come on, another 30 minutes won't hurt you," but my body gently reminds me," whoa...whoa....have you forgotten already?" So I listen to my body.

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Saturday morning when I get home from the beach, I make myself a second cup of coffee and get on my pink creatures quilt project. I project the image onto a wall and trace the image to the size I desire.

I used to use vellum as a template, but vellum is too expensive. When I discovered freezer paper, I said good bye to vellum.

As I begin a fabric selection I realize my pink fabric selection is very limited. Well, a quilter  got to do what a quilter got to do. Go to fabric store!!!

I call my good friend J in Arlington that I'll be at Fabric Corner around noon before I jump into a shower.

Be back soon.....

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Beautiful wall at Harvard Square bus platform

Me have a couple of glass bead bracelets I made a while ago and needed their elastic cords replaced.

I walked out from the bus platform and walked up to Church Street. I already had an idea where to spend the next hour the moment I saw an hour gap on the bus schedule. I headed to BeadWork store. I

J returned my call when I was ready to leave the bead store. She was doing her laundry and wouldn't mind to pick me up.

I went nut at the fabric store like I went nut when I was in bookstores. My original plan was to get at three or four types of pink fabrics which I did, but I also bought 10 pieces ( a half yard each) batik fabrics.

We stopped to get a couple of bagels and Jane invited me to her place for a cup of coffee.

L, Jane's boyfriend made us a delicious coffee while we sat on a wooden bench in their back yard and enjoyed a lovely afternoon.

Letting It Go While Learning Not to Procastinate

By 6:10 am I was wide awake. I looked out the bedroom window and my heart soared and my smile was as wide as Lake Titicaca (I have no idea why did Lake Titicaca surfaced on my mind). I did some stretches and jumped back in my bed to work on my right quad.

I massaged and worked on pressure points last night. As I pressed my thumb I visualized I flattened each of the pea size knots that have caused the pain in my knee all these times. After I flattened them , I bent my middle finger and placed it under my thumb. I aimed at each of the flattened knot and released the middle finger with a force, each knot flew away and broken into thousand pieces in the universe.

The pain was gone this morning. I brewed my first cup of coffee and did some sit ups on an excercise ball. I got to get a yoga mat to hold the ball into place. Exercises ball and rug don't get along at all.

I spend more time sitting on the ball trying to hold it in place than I actually do the sit up.

A couple of times or perhaps more than a couple of times I rolled over from the ball and landed on the rug. I swore in Malay and in English at the rug and the ball, but I laughed at myself halfway my swearing, because I was sure looked silly rolling off the ball in my jammies.

While sipping my coffee I did some sketches to add to my pink creatures quilt project. I hope I could finish it in a month or less.

With warm and beautiful days are approaching, I really need an extra effort to get this project going.

It was 9:00 am when I headed to the beach for my very first official outdoor run since March.

I stood at the edge of water and breathed deeply for the good health, the empathy, the caring, the love and the non-judgmental traits I wanted to have. When I exhaled I let go my disappointment, anger, sadness and bitterness.

It seemed so easy to put all these efforts in writing, but it's not for me. A continous effort actually, a struggle within myself, a self reflection, questions that went unanswered that I've told myself to surrender sometimes.

I quietly asked for forgiveness and the strength  from The Creator and I put my right foot forward.

As  my feet sunk into a soft sand, and I smelt the salty air, and I heard the gentle waves  I thought I was the only person on the beach. I wanted to run a little longer, but I stopped when I reached a five mile mark. I didn't want to overwork my legs and my knees after 2 months rest.

The sun was high and bright when I walked home.

Walk for Hunger

I wanted to complete  a 20 miles Walk for Hunger(Project Bread) this afternoon, but as we approached a 10.5 miles check point, I started to feel a slight twitch in my right knee, the exact spot that I experienced the pain in March.

All I thought was, I should've not so eager to run on  a treadmill for 45 minutes yesterday at the gym. But there was no point of having shoulda and woulda of thinking. I decided to stop at 10.5 miles check point.

Fifth Checkpoint at Daly Field a Nonantum Road.

It was drizzling when Mama Z and Papa Z picked me up at Dunkin Donut at 8: 00 this morning. Our original plan was Mama Z would stop at 6 miles check point I would continue the rest of 20 miles walk. After 10 minutes of so looking for a hard to come by parking spot, we spotted one empty space opposite Bead Store on  Newbury Street. 

When we crossed Boston Garden to get to registration tents at Boston Common, we spotted a huge crowd has just crossed Charles Street to Beacon Street. As a matter of fact the walk began at 7:00 am.It was windy, cloudy and drizzling, but everybody was cheerful and in great mood.

A huge crowd in colorful raincoats and umbrellas in perhaps 20 lines waiting to register. Mama Z and Papa Z got into a line for walk in registration. I went up to the next tent for walkers who registered on line to hand in my slip and the check. The drizzle turned into big drop and stopped and drizzled again, but nobody seemed to care.

After we got our Mileage Tracker stamped at checkpoint 3 (7.5 miles) Mama Z suggested we stopped at Laundromat to dry our damp socks, hats, sweaters and shirts.

What a huge difference it made to have a warm hat, gloves, sweaters on.

As we approached a Check Point 5, I told Mama Z I would be joining her to take a shuttle bus back to Boston Common. Papa Z determined to finish the walk.

A huge crowd of volunteers lined on both sides of the path at Daly Filed Snack Stop (10.5 miles). The volunteers handed each of us two plastic bags of goodies.

We hopped on the shuttle bus and we were back at Boston Common within 20 minutes. The temperature wasn't getting any better. It was a little windy. We walked back to Newbury Street, dropped the goodies in Mamz Z's car and went to Beadwork Store. After about 15 minutes we decided to get  some coffee at Starbuck next door.

Mama Z called Papa Z on his cell to find out his location. He was on Massachusetts Avenue Bridge. Mama Z told him we were heading back to Boston Common to wait for him to cross the 20 miles banner.

Papa Z after 2o miles walk.

We walked up to Penang Restaurant for dinner-Thank you Mama Z and Papz Z for a lovely dinner. After the dinner we were so tired to walk back to the car. We took a subway and got off at Copley Square.

After dinner and 20 miles walk I don't blame Papa Z for forgetting which side of the street he parked his car.

It was so wonderful to hear Mama Z said to her husband, "Oooiiiii Sayang (Ooo.... Love) kat sebelah sini lah."

I had a lovely time with them. Thank you for joining me.

Scoot Away

The past three years I've seen an additional numbers of scooters and vespas on the streets in the city. A passenger on the back seat is rare though.

I haven't yet seen a motor kapcai on the streets here.