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May 05, 2005

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anasalwa

miguel: I'm with you when it comes to an "inability to keep up with conversations" with my female friends. All my life I've always get: from clicking their tongues to roll their eyes when I keep asking them questions. They can sit and talk about one subject, lets say (and it happened to me)it is A's mother-in-law, B jumps in and reminds A about A's mother-in-law third daughter has a terrible taste of clothing, and C says she saw A'mother-in-law's third daughter's husband with another woman. And all of sudden their topic turn into A's mother-in-law's third daughter's husband used to date B's distant cousin before she eloped with her uncle's ( and don't ask me whose uncle) best friend.
The amazing thing is they can switch the story back and from without missing a beat. After 10 minutes, I excuse myself and go to a bathroom and bang my head on the wall (not literally) because I have no freaking idea who or what they are taling about.
People might be annoyed at me when they say, "you know what I mean?" over and over again and I say, "No, I don't, please tell me." I'd rather be considered slow but I will get the facts straight.

From my personal experience Malaysians tend to talk between the lines (everything has an exception, so Malaysian readers please don't jump and knock me down,or things might have changed}.

miguel

I'm not sure if it is only my imagination, but in speaking with many women in my life this sense of expecting the listener to fill in the gaps seems to often enter into conversations that I have with them. So often we will be talking about one thing and the next thing you know my conversation partner has switched to another topic that refers to something that only she sees in her head. When I ask if this way of conversing is a problem with their other women friends they always tell me no, only with men. This is especially true among the Japanese women I know here in Japan. Perhaps because Japanese is particulary indirect in expressing thoughts and feelings.

So I'm curious if you think there are, in general, differences in the way men and women speak. And if so, would a male counselor be able to understand and suggest solutions to particularly strong examples of this indirect way of speaking that your client exhibits?

I ask this because I am trying to understand my own inability to keep up with the conversations of people like my Japanese-Brazilian wife and my (mostly) female English students, and to learn to interpret what they might be trying to express. I think I do a better job of listening to people than many, but often I am accused of "being a man" when it comes to communication. Do you find great differences in the way Americans communicate and Malaysians? (I know that I do much better communicating with Japanese... I grew up in Japan, though I am German-Filipino)

Learning to commnicate is a lifelong process. The older I get the fascinating and mysterious is gets.

anasalwa

sunflora,
^5

sunflora

Hehehehe I cannot resist... you know what I mean?

halela@okinawa

betul X maknanya "Tak"

Yalah, orang yang sungguh2 ada kesabaran yg boleh buat tugas macam tu...cuma nak kata halela belum lagi ada tahap kesabaran sejauh itu (laaa...mana ada orang semua sama kan?)
Standard orang timur lain, standard orang barat lain...tapi yg sama...makan dadah, mana2 standard kata no...no...betul tak?

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