FUNNYACCENT

Drives

During a group session this afternoon.

"Two weeks ago we talked about motivation and what motivate us. Anybody likes to add to their list of motivation?"

"Death." A voice from a corner.

I barely heard the voice. All the eyes on him.

"Death? Would you like to talk more about it?"

"I don't want nobody find my bloated dead body somewhere in a gutter. I don't want my dead body left for days in a morgue. I don't want that. That's why I'm here."

MacroDay - Cap

Pink, Meet Me Halfway

It was 10:10 am when I got off the subway at Harvard stop. I missed the 10:07 a.m bus to Arlington. I remembered from the schedule I looked up earlier on MBTA site on internet, the next bus would be at 10:17 . I went up to the schedule on the wall to make sure I got the time right. To my horror, the schedule said the next bus would be at 11:30 am and followed by every 10 minutes. Somebody in a Bus Schedule department at MBTA office was slacking here. The schedule on their site on internet didn't show the one hour and 23 minutes gap.

I've been compromising with myself a lot lately in term of my future physical health. Since last week, I've met myself halfway. I run 3 miles and walk 2 miles or the other way around. I like it a lot. It works for me. My mind says, "come on, another 30 minutes won't hurt you," but my body gently reminds me," whoa...whoa....have you forgotten already?" So I listen to my body.

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Saturday morning when I get home from the beach, I make myself a second cup of coffee and get on my pink creatures quilt project. I project the image onto a wall and trace the image to the size I desire.

I used to use vellum as a template, but vellum is too expensive. When I discovered freezer paper, I said good bye to vellum.

As I begin a fabric selection I realize my pink fabric selection is very limited. Well, a quilter  got to do what a quilter got to do. Go to fabric store!!!

I call my good friend J in Arlington that I'll be at Fabric Corner around noon before I jump into a shower.

Be back soon.....

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Beautiful wall at Harvard Square bus platform

Me have a couple of glass bead bracelets I made a while ago and needed their elastic cords replaced.

I walked out from the bus platform and walked up to Church Street. I already had an idea where to spend the next hour the moment I saw an hour gap on the bus schedule. I headed to BeadWork store. I

J returned my call when I was ready to leave the bead store. She was doing her laundry and wouldn't mind to pick me up.

I went nut at the fabric store like I went nut when I was in bookstores. My original plan was to get at three or four types of pink fabrics which I did, but I also bought 10 pieces ( a half yard each) batik fabrics.

We stopped to get a couple of bagels and Jane invited me to her place for a cup of coffee.

L, Jane's boyfriend made us a delicious coffee while we sat on a wooden bench in their back yard and enjoyed a lovely afternoon.

Letting It Go While Learning Not to Procastinate

By 6:10 am I was wide awake. I looked out the bedroom window and my heart soared and my smile was as wide as Lake Titicaca (I have no idea why did Lake Titicaca surfaced on my mind). I did some stretches and jumped back in my bed to work on my right quad.

I massaged and worked on pressure points last night. As I pressed my thumb I visualized I flattened each of the pea size knots that have caused the pain in my knee all these times. After I flattened them , I bent my middle finger and placed it under my thumb. I aimed at each of the flattened knot and released the middle finger with a force, each knot flew away and broken into thousand pieces in the universe.

The pain was gone this morning. I brewed my first cup of coffee and did some sit ups on an excercise ball. I got to get a yoga mat to hold the ball into place. Exercises ball and rug don't get along at all.

I spend more time sitting on the ball trying to hold it in place than I actually do the sit up.

A couple of times or perhaps more than a couple of times I rolled over from the ball and landed on the rug. I swore in Malay and in English at the rug and the ball, but I laughed at myself halfway my swearing, because I was sure looked silly rolling off the ball in my jammies.

While sipping my coffee I did some sketches to add to my pink creatures quilt project. I hope I could finish it in a month or less.

With warm and beautiful days are approaching, I really need an extra effort to get this project going.

It was 9:00 am when I headed to the beach for my very first official outdoor run since March.

I stood at the edge of water and breathed deeply for the good health, the empathy, the caring, the love and the non-judgmental traits I wanted to have. When I exhaled I let go my disappointment, anger, sadness and bitterness.

It seemed so easy to put all these efforts in writing, but it's not for me. A continous effort actually, a struggle within myself, a self reflection, questions that went unanswered that I've told myself to surrender sometimes.

I quietly asked for forgiveness and the strength  from The Creator and I put my right foot forward.

As  my feet sunk into a soft sand, and I smelt the salty air, and I heard the gentle waves  I thought I was the only person on the beach. I wanted to run a little longer, but I stopped when I reached a five mile mark. I didn't want to overwork my legs and my knees after 2 months rest.

The sun was high and bright when I walked home.

Walk for Hunger

I wanted to complete  a 20 miles Walk for Hunger(Project Bread) this afternoon, but as we approached a 10.5 miles check point, I started to feel a slight twitch in my right knee, the exact spot that I experienced the pain in March.

All I thought was, I should've not so eager to run on  a treadmill for 45 minutes yesterday at the gym. But there was no point of having shoulda and woulda of thinking. I decided to stop at 10.5 miles check point.

Fifth Checkpoint at Daly Field a Nonantum Road.

It was drizzling when Mama Z and Papa Z picked me up at Dunkin Donut at 8: 00 this morning. Our original plan was Mama Z would stop at 6 miles check point I would continue the rest of 20 miles walk. After 10 minutes of so looking for a hard to come by parking spot, we spotted one empty space opposite Bead Store on  Newbury Street. 

When we crossed Boston Garden to get to registration tents at Boston Common, we spotted a huge crowd has just crossed Charles Street to Beacon Street. As a matter of fact the walk began at 7:00 am.It was windy, cloudy and drizzling, but everybody was cheerful and in great mood.

A huge crowd in colorful raincoats and umbrellas in perhaps 20 lines waiting to register. Mama Z and Papa Z got into a line for walk in registration. I went up to the next tent for walkers who registered on line to hand in my slip and the check. The drizzle turned into big drop and stopped and drizzled again, but nobody seemed to care.

After we got our Mileage Tracker stamped at checkpoint 3 (7.5 miles) Mama Z suggested we stopped at Laundromat to dry our damp socks, hats, sweaters and shirts.

What a huge difference it made to have a warm hat, gloves, sweaters on.

As we approached a Check Point 5, I told Mama Z I would be joining her to take a shuttle bus back to Boston Common. Papa Z determined to finish the walk.

A huge crowd of volunteers lined on both sides of the path at Daly Filed Snack Stop (10.5 miles). The volunteers handed each of us two plastic bags of goodies.

We hopped on the shuttle bus and we were back at Boston Common within 20 minutes. The temperature wasn't getting any better. It was a little windy. We walked back to Newbury Street, dropped the goodies in Mamz Z's car and went to Beadwork Store. After about 15 minutes we decided to get  some coffee at Starbuck next door.

Mama Z called Papa Z on his cell to find out his location. He was on Massachusetts Avenue Bridge. Mama Z told him we were heading back to Boston Common to wait for him to cross the 20 miles banner.

Papa Z after 2o miles walk.

We walked up to Penang Restaurant for dinner-Thank you Mama Z and Papz Z for a lovely dinner. After the dinner we were so tired to walk back to the car. We took a subway and got off at Copley Square.

After dinner and 20 miles walk I don't blame Papa Z for forgetting which side of the street he parked his car.

It was so wonderful to hear Mama Z said to her husband, "Oooiiiii Sayang (Ooo.... Love) kat sebelah sini lah."

I had a lovely time with them. Thank you for joining me.

Scoot Away

The past three years I've seen an additional numbers of scooters and vespas on the streets in the city. A passenger on the back seat is rare though.

I haven't yet seen a motor kapcai on the streets here.

Do We Have a Choice?

Earlier today during a group session with Phase One and Phase Two clients, I asked them to write a sentence in seven words of their feelings at that moment.

One of them, three day fresh from detox center arrived on The House door step with complete package been there done that attitude said he didn't want to write on a piece of paper I gave to each of them. He'd rather had me wrote on a white board.

"Lovely, what is it?"

" I don't want to be here".

So I wrote on a white board, I do not want to be here.

"Do you mean here in this room or here in a program?"

He tilted up his chin, his eyes spoke first, what are you gonna do about it? and said, "Here in this room."

4 pairs of eyes  traveled from him to me and back to him waiting for my reaction.

2 pairs of eyes stared at their sneakers.

3 pairs of eyes looked in the space in front of them.

I caught EL, one of 3 pairs of eyes slowly took a deep breath, dropped both of his hands between his knees, silently counting to ten. He kept staring at the space in front of him.

Someone cleared his throat.

"Where would you rather be?"

"Anywhere but here."

"Okay, you can leave now,"

He looked surprised. "Are you serious? But you'll give me a pull up and I'll get into a trouble."

"I  don't give pull up to anybody who doesn't want to participate in my groups. But I'll give a note to your counselor."

"I don't have to be here you know."

"M, you can leave now if you want to."

"I meant I don't need to be here in this program. I don't need this, you know what I mean?"

"Oh? You can leave the program if you want to."

"What are you talking about? You don't understand. The court sent me here. My PO said go to the program or jail. I didn't have a choice."

"Hahh.....Interesting, let's talk about choices."

"I thought we are going to talk about motivation today." El looked calmer now.

"Yes, we are. As a matter of fact we are talking about motivation. Choices we make that motivate us to move forward or slide backward. M said the court sent him here, and he didn't have a choice. "

"Man, you had a choice. The court didn't force you  to come here. You are here because you didn't want to go to jail. You made the choice right there," said Eli, our senior citizen resident.

"Yeah man. I did the same thing. Program or jail"

From that point, it seemed everybody had things to say about choices and what, who and why motivates them to make their choices.

We discussed about wrong choices, right choices, or when M decided to enter the program instead of went to jail, does it mean he didn't have a choice?

It was an uplifting discussion for all of us. By the end of the session we agreed sometimes we make less desirable choice to avoid a repercussion.

M was adamant that it wasn't his choice to come to the program, but I was glad he stayed the whole hour.